keeping myself from exposion

seriously, im about to explode right now. there's this person who really have insulted me indirectly. his action tells me that i am a useless friend. am i really that useless to you?? it is so obvious that i am not needed anymore right? fine then, i should just be myself and i am not going to change even though u make me looks like i am a rubbish. its not my fault anyway. usually i am willing to help you but its just that i didnt show it. you can just look for me and asked for my help if you want. now, u wont bother getting any help or attention from me anymore. i am so hurt that you would stab me from back and front even though im not the one that causes your problem. if you have anything that need helps then just look for me. why do you need to reject my help and then insult me??? why do you need to tell the whole world that you have problems and make me feel that i am useless for not helping you?? how can i help you if you did not explain you own problems??? how am i supposed to ask you what your problems is? wouldn't that makes me looks like i am a busybody?? i just dont care a damm thing going on with you anymore. end of story!

he said im annoying, she said im annoying

well, i never knew that i am annoying on certain people's eyes? did i talk too much until u guys feel annoyed?? sighs, then i better shut myself up next time. there's a friend of mine that i dont understand him at all. sometimes he likes to talk so much with me. we even talk crap and nonsense stuff. but sometimes his body language tells me that i should just shut up and leave him alone. well then, i decided to shut up. i have been keeping myself away from him and keeping quiet everytime i saw him. then sometimes he would ask me why im so quiet. then i just keeping quiet and walk away. i dont get it at all. do you want me to shut up or not? i do talk much usually but when i started to keep quiet, you would ask what's wrong with me??? i just dont understand all of this. maybe i should just shut myself up at the end of the day.

i hate this part

usually i will complain on the people that i dont like. but now, its worse. im starting to complain about the place i live here. i just had a bad day again. you know how it feels when you work hard on something, but the result you get is not satisfying? well it happens to me recently. frankly, i have been having a mood swing. no matter how hard i try and improve my performance on studies, i still get a very disappointing outcome. it is because of the injustice that happens all the time. no matter how good i am, the person who decide my marks still have the authority to grade my marks low. i dislike unfairness. its not the lecturer's fault actually, its the management's fault. they should standardise all the tutor to maintain the same standard that students need to achieve certain marks. i mean, its unfair to have different standards of marking for different students. does this mean that my grades depend on the standard of my lecturer, but not depends on my true ability or knowledge??does this means that i have to depend on my luck on what type of lecturer that i would get that will decide my future??? this is all nonsense. i've been experiencing this since last year. unfairness is going on and on again. this makes me starting to hate the study environment here. everything depends on luck??? how i wish this would end when i enter degree courses next semester.....

Is it me or....? I think its me<<

Few things that made me even more pissed after im already pissed off:

1. Before im pissed (at 11.00 am) venue: Lecture hall
I was on a queue, waiting to get a softcopy of some physics files from the lecturer. After that, a girl from the other class cut the queue with the selamba attittude just to get the softcopy first. I mean, come on la, there's a line waiting for the softcopy and you still cut the line with your freakin smiling face???? After that, the girl's classmate wanted to cut the queue again!!!! What's wrong with that class anyway?? All the people there is like tak ada disiplin ka??? Then i gave that person "The GLARE" till he moved aside and give chance to people who actually is IN THE QUEUE.

2. After i get pissed (at 11.10am to 6.30pm)
I just knew that my mid term exam result is not as good as i expected. I mean, the result is good, just that im not satisfied with it. Maybe i put too much hopes on it even though i know where my mistakes is in the exam. Then i found out some "certain" people score extremely well done in the exam. wow, that makes me even more intimidated and after that, im determined to get the highest mark for that unit on the final exam which is coming soon. Hope i can defeat that "certain someone". well, i notice that the "certain someone" is not averagely good for all the units, thats why i still have chance to defeat that "someone".

Then during dinner time, I memang no mood already. Then somebody payed me RM1 with coins, but i insisted on the paper RM1 instead. See, i think my attitude got problem la. then when that somebody insisted again on paying me with coins, i showed my sour face (my attitude problem again). Then my other 2 friends so banyak mulut, go and say I so fussy and choosy la, say coins also money la, no difference with paper RM1. then i angry lo. because the person who say im choosy, she herself also more fussy than me. last time i payed her RM1 with coins, she also say dont want mah. now still can say me fussy some more. isssh. then the second person who banyak mulut also talk talk talk all the words that make me even more moody, always say "yalo yalo" when the other person say me fussy. Then after that i really2 angry already, so i just kept quiet and shut my mouth, because i dont want to create a "scene" there.

So if you terasa when read this, im sorry lo. but then i really pissed mah, then you ppl memang know i pissed already, but still want to say me some more. Actually i still got alot of things to write, but i think this is enough for today's blog. If i write some more, i think the whole world will terasa. wakakaka. I know i did wrong too because of my attitude (cant control moody+anger at the same time), but then, it cant be possible that the reason for me to be pissed is because of my attitude only, surrounding factor is also the catalyst that increases my boiling point (need to use science term here).

Last week...

Last week is the busiest week evey experienced by me. we have chemistry and physics lab experiment, maths tutorial worksheet (got marks punya) and last but not least, chemistry mid term exam (the most horrifying event of the week). so, although im like super duper busy, still, i found out that im happier that week. dunno why. hahaha. weird but its true, im not mad or get pissed that week and despite of the busyness, i feel happy. hmph... things turn out to be good that week. everything just go with the flow! this week, it started quite poorly. like on monday, everyone seems stressed with the phy report. but this week is not that busy as i predicted. but the busiest day of the week is thursday because i have:
i) sketch for moral to be performed (yeah got marks, if not i wouldnt even care about it)
ii) maths tutorial (should be ok, because its an open book test)
iii) impromptu speech (also got marks, but i seriously dunno what should i prepare because its impromptu!!!)

on friday got physics quiz some more... haizzzzzzzz. this week im like lazy to study ooo. my so called "arch rival" is really hardworking. i just saw her study this afternoon and i feel bad for not studying... but nevermind, i'll try my best to ace the quiz. i dont care even if they say im kiasu, because they are kiasu too, just that they didnt show the kiausu-ness in front of other people. (a bunch of shy people) wakakakaka *evil laugh* k i think thats all for today's "sigh of the week". maybe there will be a second "sigh of the week" for my blog. LOL- have a nice day!