keeping myself from exposion

seriously, im about to explode right now. there's this person who really have insulted me indirectly. his action tells me that i am a useless friend. am i really that useless to you?? it is so obvious that i am not needed anymore right? fine then, i should just be myself and i am not going to change even though u make me looks like i am a rubbish. its not my fault anyway. usually i am willing to help you but its just that i didnt show it. you can just look for me and asked for my help if you want. now, u wont bother getting any help or attention from me anymore. i am so hurt that you would stab me from back and front even though im not the one that causes your problem. if you have anything that need helps then just look for me. why do you need to reject my help and then insult me??? why do you need to tell the whole world that you have problems and make me feel that i am useless for not helping you?? how can i help you if you did not explain you own problems??? how am i supposed to ask you what your problems is? wouldn't that makes me looks like i am a busybody?? i just dont care a damm thing going on with you anymore. end of story!

he said im annoying, she said im annoying

well, i never knew that i am annoying on certain people's eyes? did i talk too much until u guys feel annoyed?? sighs, then i better shut myself up next time. there's a friend of mine that i dont understand him at all. sometimes he likes to talk so much with me. we even talk crap and nonsense stuff. but sometimes his body language tells me that i should just shut up and leave him alone. well then, i decided to shut up. i have been keeping myself away from him and keeping quiet everytime i saw him. then sometimes he would ask me why im so quiet. then i just keeping quiet and walk away. i dont get it at all. do you want me to shut up or not? i do talk much usually but when i started to keep quiet, you would ask what's wrong with me??? i just dont understand all of this. maybe i should just shut myself up at the end of the day.

i hate this part

usually i will complain on the people that i dont like. but now, its worse. im starting to complain about the place i live here. i just had a bad day again. you know how it feels when you work hard on something, but the result you get is not satisfying? well it happens to me recently. frankly, i have been having a mood swing. no matter how hard i try and improve my performance on studies, i still get a very disappointing outcome. it is because of the injustice that happens all the time. no matter how good i am, the person who decide my marks still have the authority to grade my marks low. i dislike unfairness. its not the lecturer's fault actually, its the management's fault. they should standardise all the tutor to maintain the same standard that students need to achieve certain marks. i mean, its unfair to have different standards of marking for different students. does this mean that my grades depend on the standard of my lecturer, but not depends on my true ability or knowledge??does this means that i have to depend on my luck on what type of lecturer that i would get that will decide my future??? this is all nonsense. i've been experiencing this since last year. unfairness is going on and on again. this makes me starting to hate the study environment here. everything depends on luck??? how i wish this would end when i enter degree courses next semester.....

Is it me or....? I think its me<<

Few things that made me even more pissed after im already pissed off:

1. Before im pissed (at 11.00 am) venue: Lecture hall
I was on a queue, waiting to get a softcopy of some physics files from the lecturer. After that, a girl from the other class cut the queue with the selamba attittude just to get the softcopy first. I mean, come on la, there's a line waiting for the softcopy and you still cut the line with your freakin smiling face???? After that, the girl's classmate wanted to cut the queue again!!!! What's wrong with that class anyway?? All the people there is like tak ada disiplin ka??? Then i gave that person "The GLARE" till he moved aside and give chance to people who actually is IN THE QUEUE.

2. After i get pissed (at 11.10am to 6.30pm)
I just knew that my mid term exam result is not as good as i expected. I mean, the result is good, just that im not satisfied with it. Maybe i put too much hopes on it even though i know where my mistakes is in the exam. Then i found out some "certain" people score extremely well done in the exam. wow, that makes me even more intimidated and after that, im determined to get the highest mark for that unit on the final exam which is coming soon. Hope i can defeat that "certain someone". well, i notice that the "certain someone" is not averagely good for all the units, thats why i still have chance to defeat that "someone".

Then during dinner time, I memang no mood already. Then somebody payed me RM1 with coins, but i insisted on the paper RM1 instead. See, i think my attitude got problem la. then when that somebody insisted again on paying me with coins, i showed my sour face (my attitude problem again). Then my other 2 friends so banyak mulut, go and say I so fussy and choosy la, say coins also money la, no difference with paper RM1. then i angry lo. because the person who say im choosy, she herself also more fussy than me. last time i payed her RM1 with coins, she also say dont want mah. now still can say me fussy some more. isssh. then the second person who banyak mulut also talk talk talk all the words that make me even more moody, always say "yalo yalo" when the other person say me fussy. Then after that i really2 angry already, so i just kept quiet and shut my mouth, because i dont want to create a "scene" there.

So if you terasa when read this, im sorry lo. but then i really pissed mah, then you ppl memang know i pissed already, but still want to say me some more. Actually i still got alot of things to write, but i think this is enough for today's blog. If i write some more, i think the whole world will terasa. wakakaka. I know i did wrong too because of my attitude (cant control moody+anger at the same time), but then, it cant be possible that the reason for me to be pissed is because of my attitude only, surrounding factor is also the catalyst that increases my boiling point (need to use science term here).

Last week...

Last week is the busiest week evey experienced by me. we have chemistry and physics lab experiment, maths tutorial worksheet (got marks punya) and last but not least, chemistry mid term exam (the most horrifying event of the week). so, although im like super duper busy, still, i found out that im happier that week. dunno why. hahaha. weird but its true, im not mad or get pissed that week and despite of the busyness, i feel happy. hmph... things turn out to be good that week. everything just go with the flow! this week, it started quite poorly. like on monday, everyone seems stressed with the phy report. but this week is not that busy as i predicted. but the busiest day of the week is thursday because i have:
i) sketch for moral to be performed (yeah got marks, if not i wouldnt even care about it)
ii) maths tutorial (should be ok, because its an open book test)
iii) impromptu speech (also got marks, but i seriously dunno what should i prepare because its impromptu!!!)

on friday got physics quiz some more... haizzzzzzzz. this week im like lazy to study ooo. my so called "arch rival" is really hardworking. i just saw her study this afternoon and i feel bad for not studying... but nevermind, i'll try my best to ace the quiz. i dont care even if they say im kiasu, because they are kiasu too, just that they didnt show the kiausu-ness in front of other people. (a bunch of shy people) wakakakaka *evil laugh* k i think thats all for today's "sigh of the week". maybe there will be a second "sigh of the week" for my blog. LOL- have a nice day!

running away

running away from troubles is actually not a good thing. sometimes i choose to run, sometimes i choose to handle it. well for this subject, i have laboratory experiment every 2 weeks for it. everytime group meeting, there must be a member that always ask:" can we go now?". its like im giving them detention and not letting them off from the meeting. well FYI my DEAR member, can you not ask that question to me??? you are doing that again to me today and you are so annoying. why on other unit's group meeting you care so much that you choose to abandon the meeting that we are supposed to have when we are in the same group??? most importantly, you have no right to excuse yourself from the meeting. you know why???

1. you didnt even contribute to the group during the meeting
2. im not the team leader all the time, why did you always asked me if u can leave early or not??
3. you are so annoying that i labelled you as the "ugly flower vase"in the group
4. you are the burden of the team

everytime experiment, you always ask me what are you suppose to do. when i give you a simple task in the experiment, you cant even complete it at all. i feel like scolding you in the public. thank goodness im not that evil. at least just attend the meeting and freakin shut up and STOP asking me if you can leave early. IM NOT RUNNING AWAY FROM THIS. I WILL HANDLE THIS PROBLEM AND TEACH YOU A LESSON.

certain things i do run away la. like if i dont feel like talking to that person, i will run away and pretend i did not see that person. i try my best not to talk that much this week because i feel like soloing again. muahahaha. btw, im so sorry to certain people because i acted as if you didnt exist at all. i just dont feel like talking or looking at you. so sorry bout that. maybe you make me disappointed or something like that. that is how i run away from something that i am not comfortable with, by not looking or talking and pretend like you did not exist. soooooorry.

anyways, im going back to meow meow city this friday. but not staying there. i will be spending my free week in a small and peaceful town (kinda boring but hey, thats where i live). have a nice day after reading this post!

#%*#@?!!>#**

damm im just so pissed again today! i feel like running away. but to where?? i need to escape sometimes, coz its too much and annoying for me. sighs. some people just cant let their mouth shut even for a while, but i dont really care how people talk as if they are genius. cant they just shut up for a day??? and i have to face it every single day??? u might be wondering what im talking about.

this morning i think some people in the class noticed why im so quite when usually im always the noisy kid in the class. well, since i wasnt even had the chance to speak and voice up my opinion, i might as well just shut up and let the rests of the members do the talking. im so pissed that i accidentally just left the class right after the lecturer dismissed us. to some of the classmates, im so sorry if i showed u the sour face right before i left the class. right now im still at my boiling point, just that i try my best to lower it down.

Again, if you are reading this post and i was talking bout you, im not sorry for it. i know its my fault that im pissed and not easily forgive you, but overall, its your fault for not noticing your own fault at the first place.

i guess things has just changed these days. life in university is not that simple. we just cant avoid some conflicts that happened. the best solution for me is to run away before i make the conflict even worse, coz im not gonna apologise for some problems that i did not create.

well im not that type of forgiving person. my hobby is not to forgive people easily. u just have to earn it for me if u are really sorry for it. if u dont feel like its your fault at all, then dont bother looking for me anymore. i dont mind too. im just so pissed that i can express anything that i want. i dont really care if i have to do work without certain people. cos starting next sem, i will rarely be able to see those annoying people anyway. like what my friends said, being "solo king" is not bad at all. if you happened to read this and you feel like its you, then it must be you. hahaha. WHATEVER

1ST DAY OF THE PREDICTED WORST WEEK

so today (monday) is quite ok for me. i still can handle it. i hope the experiment im doing on tuesday will be fine and im not stressed when im conducting it. i have planned my schedule for the week but omg someone ruined a part of it. im so pissed but i was able to control myself and make some solutions to the "damaged" the person had done. i guess im just like and innocent person suddenly get "hit" by something huge that i was not sure i'll be able to handle or not. but im not gonna sigh all day long like one of my friends, im gonna face it and if i finally i cant deal it, im gonna explode in front of those person who pissed me off. i can predict that this week is the most chaotic one, so i have preparation of being very moody and pesimistic. but still, im hoping for the best for me. to the person that just ruined my day today, beware. im not gonna let you destroy my plannning. im gonna fight back by completing my plan perfectly no matter what you do. btw, something great did happen today. one of my wish had come true. hahaha. i guess if you're really hoping for something to happen, eventually it will happen. so im gonna keep wishing and hoping! ganbate >.<

FREAKIN..._ _ _ _!

The first words im gonna say today is ->MY GOODNESS!!! quit it la. why so unprofessional??? if u r reading this, u know how i feel. I feel so frustrated that no one in my group really does care about the group (maybe they do, but i cant feel it). everyone is like ~~~~~~~! why am i the only one frustrated doing that freakin thing?? wth man i must release everything here. my advice is be proffesional and get the job done as soon as possible. Next time im going to finish the whole thing and by the time u ask me what to do, i will say "i have completed everything!" Next week is going to be chaotic like u don even have time to relax and i will make sure im in my full 100% mode. Im not gonna give up this time even if it takes me alone to finish all the group job. But i must warn ya, i might be isolating myself next week. Last but not least, do your part people!!!! do your part and just shut up. dont push everything to me.

I THINK...

After given a long time to think, i have decided that im a mean person. yay to me!! Good luck to those that i dont like, if u can feel the hatred aura from me, congratulations. Dont worry, i wont do anything to you, cos now im in an OK mood. Wait till my mood went bad, then you guys shall not come near me. (>.<) hahaha... seriously, i wont do anything at all if i dont like certain ppls. I would just punish you in my mind. So no worries needed. Have a nice day! =P

AM I HORRIBLE?

Another day, another thoughts. this has never came to my mind, then again it suddenly appeared out of nowhere in my brain. I think im a terrible and horrible person, i dunno why... wargh.... i feel like i need to shout but no appropriate place for it (hehehe). i think im horrible because there's alot of ppl that i dont really like to see in the campus. Its not their fault, its just me i guess. Like today in Moral lecture, our group was suppose to wear BLACK shirt and do a pledge in front of the audience. Then suddenly, a guy out of nowhere who was wearing RED shirt and is not our classmate joined us to do the pledge. I mean, come on la. You go and join your group to do your own moral values la. Why so ke poh and go join other ppl's class???? WTH are u doing, spoiling our ALL-BLACK classmates??? Our pledge is none of your business OK!!!!!! And I found out that the guy was also the one that joined the curtin choir and even before i knew him, i can sense that im not gonna like him. Once when we were practicing choir, he said that he can sing better than the whole BASE singer, although he sings TENOR. What a weirdo!!!!!! I know he's not gonna read this post, cos he dont even know me. muahahaha... <- That is why i feel that im a horrible person. Sometimes alot of ppl call me kiasu and "hao sheng", but i really try my best to lessen the kiasu-ness..... then again, when i realize i had gone some part of my kiasu-ness, i know that my result in quizzes is not satisfying enough for me. What should i do??? Bring back my kiasu-ness and hao sheng-ness? Or just let it be and dont really care whats going on about your academics? Such a big dilemma for me...

NEW SEM, NEW PROBLEMS

I've been trying my best to not keep involving myself in any dramatic situation. Despite all the effort i do, instead those situations come to me. WTH????? i got my personal problems too ok. can i just stay away from things that is not involving me? i have been nice to everyone this semester. all the problems i have i never tell others (except is someone ask), and i never get my friends involved in my problems. so please let me off........ anyways, im so frustrated today when that freakin quiz marks came out, thank goodness i fight for extra marks or else im doom. SIGHS~